Expanding with Love or Pain

In the last year, this is has been my experience.

I’ve been opening up, releasing old patterns, and expanding to new horizons! And it was always out of one of the two; love or emotional pain. They are both my greatest teachers.

Before this year, I had the firm belief that I had to do it all alone. That I had to be strong and self-sufficient at all times. That I had to get my "shit together", retract from the world while doing so, to come out of my cocoon fresh and anew, ready to take on the world!

But apparently it doesn’t work that way. At all...

Every step of opening up, changing, breaking down, lifting myself back up, had one common denominator : it wasn’t done alone in my corner. Of course I had moments alone where I had to face myself and my issue, but it was always triggered by an experience in my relationships with others. More specifically in a love relationship. Being closer, more intimate, emotional, confronting and prone to growth and expansion. As much as I resisted the hell out of it in the beginning, very stubborn in my belief that I had to ‘fix myself’ before I could let anyone in; it was exactly what I needed.

While I do believe that to build a strong, lasting relationship you can’t expect the other to complete you; blocking off the possibility of it naturally emerging in the name of ''not being whole'enough'' is a fear-based defense mechanism. Even if it isn't the picture perfect relationship, you never know just how much learning and growing you can gain from it. Trust that life is putting that person or situation in front of you for a reason.

Because, at least for me, hidden under that seemingly logical reaction of wanting to wait to “feel whole” to let someone in, stemmed deeper wounds of unworthiness, and belief that I’m not enough, that I’m too broken to be loved. But being aware of these wounds, and still allowing the other in despite all the doubts and fears, that is an act of bravery.

Letting that person into my life allowed me to learn more about myself and grow more than I ever would have on my own, no matter how sophisticated I thought my methods were. Not saying it was an easy ride, because with growth comes the pains of undoing the old, but it was definitely worth the struggles.

Why expanding through love? Because alone I probably would’ve given up on myself. But for the sake of the relationship; of love, it gave me a strength I didn’t know I had to keep pushing, to keep growing, to keep breaking those barriers even if I kicked and screamed at times. Having someone accompany you in the process, even hurt you if need be for you to gain strength, is an inestimable gift. I know not all relationships are as mature and nurturing as this. I had myself never experienced nor even knew this type of relationship existed. But it’s a feeling you can pick up quite easily from the beginning if you pay attention. A sense of trust, of deep connection, fascination for the other’s world, of desire to grow. Choosing wisely a partner can be as important as being willing to open up and let them in !

Expanding through pain is on the opposite spectrum. And I seem to have a natural magnet towards that one, despite me ..

In my experience, if it wasn’t for love by strength and courage, it was through pain by surrendering and allowing myself to be broken at times.

To feel deeply the emotion.

To be vulnerable enough to say “Okay, I don’t have it all together, show me what this emotion or pain can teach me”.

I have to keep reminding myself that pain is a gift in disguise. That I have to have the courage to say : ''Alright, I know you're here to help me, Bring it on!'' Not push it off, hide it, deny it, stuff it down, distract from it until it explodes and I just suffer way more in the long run.

Just like in love, I stubbornly resist pain until the breaking point, but when I finally let down my guard and surrender to it, I inevitably receive an incredible gift of release, liberation, freedom and expansion.

Understanding myself to greater depths, and rising to new heights!

<3

#love #pain #expansion #growth #learning #openingup #breakingbarriers #surrender